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Demographics regarding reported occupations of daughter-in-law participants.
Abstract
Grounded in communication accommodation theory and conflict management frameworks, we examined conflict-initiating factors and management styles in the written scenarios of intergenerational communication in mother/daughter-in-law conflict from 135 Taiwanese daughters-in-law. Content analysis results showed that mother-in-law-to-daughter-in-law (MIL-to-DIL) criticism (42.2%, n = 57) was the most frequently reported initiating factor of intergenerational conflict, followed by MIL-to-DIL illegitimate demand, daughter-in-law-to-mother-in-law (DIL-to-MIL) criticism, and generation disagreements/generation gap. The results also revealed that the most frequently adopted conflict management style by mothers-in-law was the competing style (84.4%, n = 114), especially in managing conflict initiated by MIL-to-DIL criticism and illegitimate demand. When mothers-in-law adopted the competing style, daughters-in-law tended to converge to the same style 41.2% of the time. Implications of the findings were discussed with reference to past studies on intergroup/intergenerational communication and aging research, conflict management in family intergenerational relationships, and the age-based Chinese cultural value of filial piety.
Keywords
- conflict-initiating factors and conflict management styles
- mother/daughter-in-law conflict
- family intergenerational communication
- filial piety
- content analysis
1. Introduction
The proportion of older adults is growing globally [1]. In particular, Asian societies experience faster aging than other world regions [2]. As of 2020, older adults aged over 65 in Asian countries were about 414 million, accounting for over 56% of the world aging population [3]. These data, coupled with rapid shifts in age structure and improvement in life expectancy in Asia, suggest that intergenerational communication and support exchanges in aging families have considerably increased [4].
Motivated by concerns about later life quality of older adults in aging societies, scholarly interest in intergenerational communication accelerates, including more attention on communication in conflict situations in family intergenerational relationships [5, 6, 7]. However, intergenerational in-law relationships, especially intergenerational tensions between in-laws, are still understudied [8, 9]. Moreover, scholars have specifically called for family relationship studies in non-Western cultures [10]. Compared to people in Western cultures who value autonomy and independence, families in Asian countries, for example, embrace collectivistic values and thus have distinct lifestyles and elder caregiving arrangements. In regard to lifestyle, research indicates that 50% of older adults in the Asia-Pacific regions live in multigenerational households, compared to only 7% in North America [11]. The cohabitation lifestyle allows intergenerational support, and elder caregiving is often expected from the young generation. Consequently, due to the lifestyles and cultural norms, intergenerational contact frequency in Asian cultures tends to be higher than the other cultures. Nevertheless, proximity and increased intergenerational communication in East Asian countries do not guarantee closeness [12]. Negative communication and conflict may extenuate intergenerational relationships and affect elder caregiving. In an endeavor to advance research on family conflict, the current study examines a familial relationship in an East Asian context by focusing on the perspectives of Taiwanese daughters-in-law about their experiences of intergenerational communication in conflict situations with their mothers-in-law by adopting communication accommodation theory as the theoretical framework.
By enriching the field of research on family conflict, the current study illustrates the significance of how intergenerational communication affects family relationships within an East Asian context. Under the influence of Confucian traditions, individuals view maintaining good connections with parents-in-law and offering support as more of an obligation rather than a personal choice due to higher degree of filial reverence and power distance in Asian culture. Women remain the primary sources of elder care due to the entrenched ideology regarding gendered division of household labor within Asian families. Particularly, married women are expected to bear the burden of elder care after marriage and undertake transferred responsibility from other family members [13, 14]. However, intergenerational conflict between mothers-and daughters-in-law influences the well-being of both young and older adults, family solidarity, and marital quality of married women [15]. For example, scholars have identified animosity and tension between mothers- and daughters-in-law as a reason for elder abuse. Destructive conflict in dyadic interactions decreases the marital satisfaction of married women [16, 17]. Conversely, constructive approach to conflict may facilitate family bonds. Therefore, our research study on in-law conflict will shed light on the debilitating or harmful and facilitating or positive mechanisms and opportunities for two parties, providing insight into how conflict management affects successful aging and family solidarity.
Many communication scholars have set out to explain intergenerational conflict by employing communication accommodation theory (CAT) and the communication predicament of aging model, which was developed based on CAT [18]. CAT rests on the tenets that individuals make communicative adjustments during the interaction to regulate communication effectiveness and social distance by using strategies such as accommodation or nonaccommodation as communicative moves [19]. We argue that although conflict can be destructive when it is managed inappropriately, appropriate management can enhance relational development and mutual understanding. Therefore, CAT is suitable for our study in explaining communicative moves in conflict situations between mothers- and daughters-in-law when both parties (in)appropriately manage relational, familial, and identity distance [20].
The following sections first review the theoretical framework. This section discusses how nonaccommodative communication moves may initiate conflict and influence subsequent conflict management styles. Following the method section, major types of factors that initiate conflict and frequently adopted conflict management styles are reported in the results section. Discussion section focuses on theoretical and practical implications on intergenerational communication and aging, family conflict management, and the filial piety value.
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2. Literature review
2.1 Communication accommodation theory and intergenerational communication
Since its initial conceptualization of communication convergence 50 years ago [21, 22], CAT has developed into a systematic, useful, and “one of the most influential behavioral theories of communication” [23], enhancing our understanding of interpersonal and intergroup dynamics of relational communication among social groups. For example, given the prevalence of negative age stereotypes, CAT has provided a useful theoretical lens for research on communication between individuals from different age groups in and outside the family context [24]. Specifically, two CAT strategies, accommodation and nonaccommodation are found to be useful in examining intergenerational communication dynamics. Accommodation is the communicative adjustment that emphasizes similarity and reinforces relational solidarity to reduce social distance [25]. Nonaccommodation refers to communication adjustment that exceeds the communicative needs (i.e., overaccommodation) or is perceived as insufficient (i.e., underaccommodation) [26, 27]. Research in general reveals some satisfying and dissatisfying old-to-young and young-to-old communicative behaviors with a heavy focus on negative intergenerational communication or various forms of nonaccommodative interactions, as well as their negative consequences [28]. The studies guided by the communicative predicament model of aging are particularly noteworthy in this regard [29, 30]. Guided by CAT, we focus on exploring specific forms of accommodative and nonaccommodative communication strategies embedded in daughters-in-law’s written accounts in conflict situations with their mothers-in-law.
As shown in literature on family relationships, intergenerational relationships are fundamental to family members’ well-being, and perceived intergenerational accommodation and relational quality are associated with willingness for future caregiving [31]. Some common forms of accommodation include providing/receiving support, attentive listening [32], and providing useful advice [33]. Prior studies indicate that perceived accommodation is positively associated with relational closeness and quality with a parent [34], and satisfying intergenerational relationship is positively associated with instrumental support (e.g., help with housework) provided to the parent [35, 36].
On the other hand, conflict may emerge when communicative exchanges in intergenerational relationships are perceived as nonaccommodative, failing to adjust to one’s identities, roles, and emotional needs. In Asian societies, daughters-in-law are expected to fulfill the prescribed roles and obligations that are clearly guided by cultural norms and enact behaviors seen as accommodative (e.g., to be obedient and carry out elder caregiving). When daughters-in-law violate the expected roles or identity (e.g., celebrate holidays with family-of-origin instead of family-in-law), inappropriate ways of managing the situation by either party may result in an escalated destructive conflict. Moreover, extant literature highlights that this dyad also encounters generational differences and clashes in values and opinions because of age gap and stereotypes. Although older adults are often the victims of ageism, the young generation often experiences patronizing talk [37] based on stereotypes of being “entitled, lazy, and self-centered” as well [38]. Such age stereotypes may reflect in the communicative moves of mothers-in-law. For instance, mothers-in-law may view their daughters-in-law not doing housework because of laziness, and condescending speech may be employed often such as criticizing, disapproving, and nagging in response to the age stereotype. Consequently, nonaccommodation following the activation of age stereotypes may result in relational tension. Perceived communication nonaccommodation received from older adults has association with increased anxiety [39] and reversely relates to relational solidarity and, thus, bias and stereotypical behaviors toward older adults [40]. On the positive side, constructive ways of managing conflict also provide opportunities for relational development. For instance, previous research studies by Turner and colleagues found that accommodative moves such as maintaining open conversation gradually narrowed the distance between mothers- and daughters-in-law and enhanced relationship quality. Therefore, informed by communication accommodation theory, accommodative versus nonaccommodative communication is central to understanding conflict initiation and management in intergenerational relationships.
2.2 Initiating factors of conflict and conflict management styles
Conflict-initiating factors are conceptualized as communicative (mis)moves of one person interfering with or hindering “the activity of another,” which may intensify a situation leading to conflict. A growing body of literature on intergenerational communication in family and nonfamily contexts has identified conflict-initiating factors [41]. In a content analysis of Chinese young adults’ written scenarios that investigate intergenerational conflict, Zhang reported several major factors including old-to-young and young-to-old criticism, illegitimate demand, rebuff, and generational gap. Central to these conflict-initiating factors are old-to-young nonaccommodative communication behaviors such as being imposing restrictions, interfering, or meddlesome. Similarly, some of these nonaccommodative themes also appeared in the accounts of intergenerational communication between U.S. young adults and their older counterparts. A recent study conducted by Zhang and Wiebe in 2022 examining U.S. older adults’ communication experiences with both family (i.e., grandchildren) and nonfamily young adults in conflict situations confirmed these major themes. These studies have demonstrated that the nonaccommodative behaviors often trigger conflict between young people and older adults in both Western and Eastern societies. However, it is unclear whether these factors exist in mother- and daughter-in-law relationships. Thus, we pose the following question.
When a conflict occurs, individuals may employ different management strategies [42]. Scholars delineated four distinct conflict management styles in intergenerational communication: competing, obliging/accommodating, avoiding, and problem-solving [43]. Competing is characterized by a high level of self-interest and a low level of interest for others. Finding fault, rejecting, questioning, and denying responsibility are typical communicative behaviors of competing. Obliging/accommodating, on the contrary, shows a low level of self-interest but a high level of interest for the others. This style includes recognizing the others’ needs, affirming their positions, apologizing, and taking responsibility for the conflict. Avoiding involves communicative behaviors such as minimizing the conflict, downplaying disagreement, trivializing, shifting conversations to withdraw from the situation, and reflecting low levels of interest for both parties. Lastly, problem-solving shows high levels of interest for both parties. This style includes expressing empathy and understanding, soliciting input from interactants and others, and collaborating to find solutions to achieve cooperation and communication satisfaction. Research examining conflicts reported by both young and older participants across various contexts reveals that older adults tend to employ competing the most, compared to other styles, and more than younger adults’ adoption of the same style (see findings from Zhang and Wiebe’s study). At the same time, young adults are equally satisfied with adopting the accommodating and problem-solving styles when managing conflict involving older counterparts (see findings from the study by Zhang et al. in 2005). Researchers found that women in the Asian context tend to use obedient and suppressed behaviors (i.e., obliging) when they get involved in a conflict with their mothers-in-law [44]. Methodological differences may explain some of the inconsistencies. To our best knowledge, we know little about the respective conflict management styles of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Hence, we pose the following question.
Extant research on conflict from an intergroup perspective based on CAT and the CPA model has heuristic values in understanding the conflict management styles. According to CAT, nonaccommodation is related to unfavorable outcomes [45] compared to accommodation [46]. That is, conflict-initiating factors, which are primarily perceived as forms of communication nonaccommodation, may result in adopting conflict management styles (e.g., competing) that can negatively affect relationships. Notably, prior research has shown that conflict parties do converge either optimally (e.g., both parties use the accommodating style) or nonoptimally (e.g., both parties use the competing style) regarding their conflict management styles. Specifically, if one party enacts strategies that are (non)accommodative to manage a conflict, the other party uses similar strategies. However, negative reciprocation, where one party responds to the competing style with the same approach, poses a threat to mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. Taken together, we pose the following research question.
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3. Method
3.1 Participants and procedures
A total of 140 Taiwanese daughters-in-law, who had a living mother-in-law, voluntarily participated in the current study and received monetary compensation. If they had more than one mother-in-law, we instructed them to focus on any one of them in their choice. We recruited participants via daughters-in-law referrals and the snowball sampling method. We first reached out to a group of Taiwanese college student volunteers from a large university in Taipei. We specifically asked each of the student volunteers to provide us with information about married women who we can contact about participating in our study, examining their communication with their mother-in-law. Those students received class credits for their referral. We then mailed a printed survey to the women participants who agreed to take part in our study in a stamped and return envelope. We asked them not to put their names on the survey and emphasized our study’s voluntary and anonymous nature to encourage participation. Those who took part in our study were encouraged to invite acquaintances and friends to take the survey. We removed five participants who could not recall a recent conflict with their mothers-in-law. The response rate was high (i.e., 77.7%). Among 135 participants (
| Occupations | |
|---|---|
| Housewives | 42 |
| Education (e.g., Teachers, Professors, Research Assistants) | 24 |
| Accounting, Banking, Finance & Insurance | 13 |
| Government | 12 |
| Management & Business | 11 |
| Nurses | 5 |
| Workers | 4 |
| Nannies | 4 |
| Mass Media, Publishing & Designing | 4 |
| Office Staff | 3 |
| Service | 3 |
| Did not disclose | 10 |
| Total ( | 135 |
Table 1.
We first designed the survey in English and translated it into Chinese by well-educated and competent bilingual researchers. Two experienced bilingual Chinese nationals back-translated the survey to English to check the semantic validity of the Chinese version of the survey. Two native Chinese speakers proofread the Chinese survey to ensure the accuracy of stylistic expressions and reduce any additional semantic errors. After proofreading, the survey was modified based on group discussion among the researchers.
At the onset of the study, participants were requested to provide demographic and background information (e.g., age, education, occupation, family income, residency, living distance, and contact frequency with the reported mother-in-law). Then, participants recalled a recent conflict incident they were experiencing or had experienced with their mother-in-law. Aiming to fully understand the conflict-initiating factors and conflict management styles, we explicitly solicited participants to provide detailed accounts of the communication exchanges that took place at the initiation of the conflict, during the conflict process, and the resulting outcomes. The written accounts reported by participants typically varied in length, ranging from one to three paragraphs, with a few participants providing responses as long as a page and a half (about 250 words).
Following the instructions, participants rated the seriousness of the conflict situation (
3.2 Coding scheme and reliability check
We considered each conflict scenario as a unit of analysis. The coding process involved several systematic steps. First, we carefully read 27 (i.e., 20% of the total sample) conflict scenarios a few times to have a general understanding of the nature of mother- and daughter-in-law relationships and conflict delineated by our daughter-in-law participants. Second, along with the instructions we provided participants in generating the written scenarios, we analyzed each conflict scenario by examining four variables associated with the conflict including: (1) substantive issue, (2) conflict-initiating party or parties, (3) conflict-initiating factor, and (4) conflict management style used by each party. These selected cases were included in a pool for later coding but were not included in the following reliability check. For the substantive issue, we examined what the reported conflict was about (e.g., child-rearing, personal hygiene, financial issues, etc.). For the conflict-initiating party, we examined who initiated the reported conflict, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, or both sides. These two variables involve straightforward procedures by reading each conflict scenario carefully to identify a major issue involved in each conflict and the conflict-initiating party or parties. In examining the factors that initiated conflict and conflict management styles, we referenced prior literature. For example, we used Zhang’s operational definitions for initiating factors in the conflict between generations developed in 2004 as key reference or priori. We also consulted conflict management styles in intergenerational relations reported by Zhang and colleagues [43], and these two studies examined intergenerational conflict in the Chinese cultural context.
For each conflict scenario, we assigned a single, dominant code or characteristic for each variable to each unit of analysis (i.e., each scenario or narrative). In other words, we identified only one dominant initiating factor, one major daughter-in-law conflict management style, and one major mother-in-law conflict management style in each conflict scenario. Coders could identify the initiating factors very easily as they were usually clearly stated in one statement following the prompt (i.e., “How was the conflict started?”). However, the management styles were embedded in a series of statements typically following the prompt (i.e., “How did you handle the conflict?” or “How did your mother-in-law handle the conflict?”). We considered a communication characteristic as a theme or category if it occurred repeatedly in many scenarios (e.g., criticism). In the coding process of conflict-initiating factors, we refined the priority list and added new or emergent codes to it. Hence, the coding scheme used in the current study involved both refined categories from prior literature and new categories.
We identified four initiating factors, and these factors were distributed across three types of conflict initiators (i.e., from daughter-in-law to mother-in-law, vice versa, or mutual). Seven other initiating factors (e.g., mother-in-law’s inability and dialect barrier), each of which accounted for less than 2% of the data, appeared in 18 scenarios that did not fit the four categories and were placed in the “other” (see Table 2).
| Types | Initiating factors |
|---|---|
| Old-to-young | |
| Young-to-old | |
| Mutual | |
| Other |
Table 2.
Definitions of the identified initiating factors in intergenerational conflict (adapted from Zhang [30] unless otherwise noted).
For the coding of conflict management styles, we used a refined list of four intergenerational conflict management styles to uncover the conflict styles used by mothers- and daughters-in-law. Four distinct conflict management styles from both sides (i.e., problem-solving, accommodating, avoiding, and competing) were coded by examining the communicative behaviors embedded in daughters-in-law’s written narratives of the conflicts.
Following the coder training session, two coders conducted independent analyses of 25 scenarios (18.52%). The intercoder reliability for intergenerational conflict-initiating factor and conflict management styles utilized were measured using percent agreement (.84, .88, and .84, respectively) and Cohen’s Kappa (.80, .87, and .94, respectively). Disagreements on the initiating factors and management styles were discussed among the authors and resolved through consensus. The remaining 110 conflict scenarios were divided and individually coded. Researchers maintained meetings with coders to ensure adherence to the coding instructions throughout the coding process.
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4. Findings
The current study investigated the typologies and frequencies of conflict-initiating factors, and management styles manifested in daughters-in-law’s written narratives in intergenerational conflicts with mothers-in-law. We report the findings regarding our research questions below.
4.1 Research question 1: conflict-initiating factors
Research question 1 examined how the reported conflicts were initiated. Our results showed that daughters-in-law reported four predominant typologies of conflict-initiating factors: (1) old-to-young criticism, (2) old-to-young illegitimate demand, (3) young-to-old criticism, and (4) disagreements caused by the generation gap. Seven other conflict-initiating factors (e.g., mother-in-law’s inability and dialect barrier) that appeared less frequently in the narratives (
| Initiating factors | Frequency ( | Percentage |
|---|---|---|
| Criticism from | 57a | 42.2 |
| Illegitimate demand from | 22b | 16.3 |
| Criticism from | 19b | 14.1 |
| General disagreements/generation gap | 19b | 14.1 |
| Other | ||
| 1 | 0.7 | |
| 6 | 4.4 | |
| 2 | 1.5 | |
| 4 | 3.0 | |
| 2 | 1.5 | |
| 2 | 1.5 | |
| 1 | 0.7 | |
| Total | 135 | 100.0 |
Table 3.
Frequency of the identified initiating factors in intergenerational conflict.
Note: Other was not included in the one-way analysis of chi-square analysis. Different superscripts indicate significant differences. Overall χ2 (3) = 35.1, p < .001.
4.1.1 Old-to-young criticism: criticism from mothers-in-law
Among the reported initiating factors, old-to-young criticism was reflected in mothers-in-law’s expressions or behaviors such as finding faults in, hostile questioning about, or rejecting daughters-in-law’s behaviors, opinions, and/or attitudes. For example, one respondent shared, “my mother-in-law always criticized my cooking as unsavory.” Another respondent took care of her sister-in-law, who just gave birth (mother-in-law’s own daughter). However, her mother-in-law criticized her for not preparing “nutritious enough food” for the sister-in-law. The following two examples reflect the type of criticism of a similar nature in the family context:
4.1.2 Old-to-young illegitimate demand: illegitimate from mothers-in-law
The second conflict-initiating factor was old-to-young illegitimate demand. Our respondents shared their anger and frustration over various requests or demands from their mothers-in-law that in their view were illegitimate. The major premise of old-to-young illegitimate demand was that mothers-in-law imposed their needs, wants, or desires on daughters-in-law. The following excerpts are examples of this conflict-initiating factor. One participant complained her mother-in-law’s illegitimate demand regarding how she took it for granted that the eldest son and daughter-in-law should take care of the whole family:
Other participants reported their mother-in-law’s enactment of partiality to her family-of-origin by asking her not to visit her family-of-origin often (Scenario 40) or to have more than two children (Scenario 22). The following is a different example showing unfair demand for financial contributions reported by a daughter-in-law to a house remodeling project:
4.1.3 Young-to-old criticism: criticism enacted by daughters-in-law
Young-to-old criticism occurred when daughters-in-law found faults with mothers-in-law’s behaviors, opinions, and/or attitudes and explicitly expressed their criticism. One participant criticized her mother-in-law, who collected and hoarded used bottles and cardboard (Scenario 20). Moreover, young-to-old criticism may be related to mundane daily routines such as child rearing and education:
4.1.4 Disagreements due to generation gap
Moreover, general disagreements or generation gap highlighted the difference in attitudes, values, or lifestyles (e.g., religious beliefs and practices), as well as age gap. Several respondents reported disagreements between them and their mother-in-law due to the generational gap regarding breastfeeding and lifestyle differences (e.g., Scenario 17). While they may argue with each other, no explicit criticism was reported, and respect was frequently mentioned.
4.2 Research question 2: conflict management styles
Research question 2 focused on the frequency distributions of conflict management styles from both parties reported by daughters-in-law. A one-way chi-square analysis, χ 2(3) = 269.03,
| Management styles | Frequency | Percentage | |
|---|---|---|---|
| MIL | Competing | 114a | 84.4 |
| Accommodating | 5b | 3.7 | |
| Avoiding | 8b | 5.9 | |
| Problem solving | 4b | 3.3 | |
| Other | 4 | 3.3 | |
| Total count | 135 | 100.0 | |
| DIL | Competing | 55a | 40.7 |
| Accommodating | 35b | 26.0 | |
| Avoiding | 25bc | 18.5 | |
| Problem solving | 17c | 12.6 | |
| Other | 3 | 2.2 | |
| Total count | 135 | 100.0 |
Table 4.
Frequencies of the identified conflict management styles used by mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in intergenerational conflict.
Note. Different superscripts indicate significant differences. Overall one-way chi-square for conflict styles was significant for mothers-in-law, χ2 (3) = 269.03, p < .001 and for daughters-in-law, χ2 (3) = 24.49, p < .001.
A one-way chi-square analysis, χ 2(3) = 24.49,
Unlike mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law also used the other three types of management styles frequently (i.e., accommodating, 26.0%,
4.3 Research question 3: conflict-initiating factors and management styles
Research question 3 explored the association between the initiating factors and the management styles. Table 5 shows the cross-tabulation results indicating mother-in-law’s dominant conflict management styles such as competing were mostly linked with the initiating factor of old-to-young criticism (94.7%,
| Competing | Avoiding | Accommodating | Problem-solving | Total | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mother-in-law’s styles by factors | Old-to-young criticism | 54 (94.7%) | 2 (3.5%) | 0 (0.0) | 0 (0.0) | 56 |
| Illegitimate Demand | 20 (90.9%) | 1 (4.5%) | 0 (0.0) | 1 (4.5%) | 22 | |
| Young-to-old criticism | 13 (68.4%) | 2 (10.5%) | 4 (21.1%) | 0 (0.0) | 19 | |
| Disagreement/ generation gap | 13 (68.4%) | 1 (5.3%) | 1 (5.3%) | 3 (15.8%) | 18 | |
| Total | 100 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 115 | |
| Daughter-in-law’s styles by factors | Old-to-young criticism | 19 (33.3%) | 13 (22.8%) | 19 (33.3%) | 5 (8.8%) | 56 |
| Illegitimate demand | 11 (50.0%) | 5 (22.7%) | 5 (22.7%) | 1 (4.5%) | 22 | |
| Young-to-old criticism | 13 (68.4%) | 1 (5.3%) | 1 (5.3%) | 4 (21.1%) | 19 | |
| Disagreement/ generation gap | 6 (31.6%) | 2 (10.5%) | 6 (31.6%) | 5 (26.3%) | 19 | |
| Total | 49 | 21 | 31 | 15 | 116 |
Table 5.
Association between conflict-initiating factors and management styles of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law.
Similarly, however, among the four styles daughters-in-law also primarily used the competing style (68.4%,
4.4 Research question 4: conflict management styles adopted by both parties
Research question 4 explored the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law’s conflict management styles in the reported conflict scenarios. Table 6 indicates the frequencies of daughter-in-law’s management styles across mother-in-law’s management styles. Cross-tabulation results showed that mother-in-law’s competing was most associated with daughter-in-law’s use of the same style (i.e., competing, 41.2% of the time). The reported use of competing by mother-in-law was associated with daughter-in-law’s adoption of the accommodating style (28.9% of the time). Moreover, avoiding (18.4% of the time) and problem-solving (10.5%) were also utilized by daughter-in-law when coping with the competing style of mother-in-law.
| Daughter-in-law’s style | Competing | Avoiding | Accommodating | Problem-solving | Others | Total | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mother-in-law’s style | Competing | 47 (41.2%) | 21 (18.4%) | 33 (28.9%) | 12 (10.5%) | 1 (0.9%) | 114 (100%) |
| Avoiding | 2 (25.0%) | 4 (50.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 1 (12.5%) | 1 (12.5%) | 8 (100%) | |
| Accommodating | 4 (80.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 1 (20.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 0 (0.0) | 5 (100%) | |
| Problem-solving | 0 (0.0) | 0 (0.0) | 0 (0.0) | 4 (100.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 4 (100%) | |
| Others | 2 (50.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 1 (25.0%) | 0 (0.0) | 1 (25.0%) | 4 (100%) | |
| Total | 55 | 25 | 36 | 17 | 3 | 135 |
Table 6.
Associations between mother-in-law conflict management style and daughter-in-law conflict management style in intergenerational conflict.
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5. Discussion
Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are considered the “kin-keepers” who maintain familial ties across cultures, albeit their relationship often appears to be tumultuous and inherently conflictual [47]. The in-law relations are involuntarily formed through marriage [48], and this structural arrangement of kinship holds “the potential for producing ambivalence” [49] and conflict. To identify conflict-initiating factors and management styles, we used the quantitative content analysis method and analyzed written narratives from Taiwanese daughters-in-law that described their communication experiences with mothers-in-law in conflict situations.
Our findings reveal several major themes. First, we uncovered four major initiating factors for mother- and daughter-in-law conflicts: old-to-young criticism and illegitimate demand, young-to-old criticism, and disagreements/generation gap. Second, daughter-in-law participants reported in the written scenarios that competing was primarily used by their mothers-in-law in handling the reported conflicts, especially in those initiated by mother-in-law to daughter-in-law criticism. Third, daughters-in-law predominantly used competing; at the same time, they also employed accommodating, avoiding, and problem-solving in handling conflicts with their mothers-in-law. Fourth, these major findings have both theoretical and practical implications.
The results shed light on communication accommodation theory and intergenerational conflict between mothers- and daughters-in-law, thus enhancing our understanding of family relationships regarding familial interaction and aging in Chinese culture. Extant research studies on family relations in Western contexts have portrayed intergenerational ambivalence as a theoretical orientation. Researchers adopting the ambivalence approach observe that family members hold both warmth and resentment toward each other [50]. However, the ambivalence derives from the perception that in-laws in the family are role-less [51]. Conversely, in-laws in the Asian context possess important positions in families, and their roles are clearly defined. Our research enhances our understanding that perceived violations of role expectations incur intergenerational conflict beyond the perspective of ambivalence.
Moreover, extant literature indicates that old-to-young criticism is a major conflict-initiating factor in relationships between older and young adults (as reported by Zhang in 2004 and Wiebe and Zhang in 2022), regardless of Western or Eastern family and nonfamily contexts. Particularly in Eastern contexts, mothers-in-law often engage in direct criticism and explicitly proclaim daughters-in-law’s faults [52]. Aligning with previous research studies, the current study confirms that this initiating factor is dominant in mother-in-law/daughter-in-law conflict in Taiwan. Old-to-young criticism encompasses nonaccommodative behaviors such as fault-finding, rejection, and denial, which can be problematic and detrimental to the development of the relationship. As noted in CAT, inappropriate communication or nonaccommodation functions to increase social distance, maximizing ingroup/outgroup differences. The formation and development of shared family identity through marriage could be promising to enhance relational closeness and communication quality in conflict situations. Nevertheless, expressed group distinctions (i.e., family-of-origin & family-in-law) in inappropriate criticism (i.e., nonaccommodation) attenuate the positive effect of shared family identity and further escalate the conflict situations to problematic management and outcomes.
The current study found that the competing style among the four identified styles was primarily used by both mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Daughters-in-law used less competing (40.7%,
In addition, as per the CPA model, older adults often express criticism fueled by age-related stereotypes they hold toward young adults, perceiving them as disrespectful or irresponsible [54]. Scholars identify older adults’ negative stereotypes related to young family members (e.g., childish, ungrateful) [55] and explain the stereotypes are developed and activated when age differences become salient [56, 57]. Consistent with the CPA model and prior studies, the current study found that daughters-in-law attributed age-related stereotypes as problematic communication that initiated conflict (e.g., older generation just spoils grandchildren). However, daughters-in-law’s stereotypical perceptions of older adults are also influenced by cultural norms related to age. Specifically, the traditional norms of respecting the elders and family harmony are valued in Taiwan. Therefore, daughters-in-law who support these age-related norms may utilize constructive conflict management styles (i.e., accommodating, problem-solving) to help diffuse the tension.
Lastly, despite decline-when-aging being a prevalent age stereotype [58], daughters-in-law were able to engage in cognitive reasoning such as perspective-taking and showed empathy toward their mothers-in-law. For example, mother-in-law’s inability (e.g., physical and/or cognitive impairments) was listed as one of the conflict-initiating factors. Daughters-in-law were willing to “walk in the shoes” of their mothers-in-law by attributing some of the nonaccommodative behaviors of older adults to their illness rather than negatively stereotyping them based on their age. Thereby, daughters-in-law were able to engage in a reasoning process to evaluate whether the initiating factors or management styles were legitimate and understandable. This finding is consistent with the argument that intergenerational relationships involve ambivalence involving opposing feelings or attitudes (i.e., positive and negative) in the family context [59]. That is, complementary to intergenerational conflict, family members also show solidarity and emotional support (e.g., expressing appreciation and love) and instrumental support [60]. Hence, despite the “dark side” of mothers- and daughters-in-law conflict, intergenerational relationship is likely to be fostered when mothers- and daughters-in-law enact accommodative communication and adopt constructive ways to manage conflict and tension between them.
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6. Limitations and future research
The current study relied on young adult participants to recall recent conflict scenarios. It is essential to acknowledge that these written conflict situations were based on participants’ memory, which may not necessarily be fully representative of the typical conflict situations experienced by daughters-in-law. Rather, the responses might be the most memorable or salient for daughter-in-law participants. Perceived importance, seriousness, and intensity of the conflict all affected the memorable messages reported by participants. Likewise, daughters-in-law’s conflict management styles may be legitimatized (e.g., fundamental attribution errors) in the written accounts. Future research can include both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law’s perspectives.
The sample in our study consists of married women. Our study contributes to past studies that focused on younger adults in their 20s and/or older individuals who were 65 or above by examining a different young adult sample. However, our recruitment of participants was limited by referrals and snowballing methods. Moreover, around one-third of participants were housewives at the time of data collection, and over 60% of respondents contributed less than 50% of family income. Participants reported relatively frequent contact with their mother-in-law. Financial dependence and contact frequency may influence the occurrence of family conflict. Future research can recruit participants who have different living arrangements and full-time jobs. East Asian cultures are characterized by masculinity and patriarchy, and conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may involve or be initiated by a third party (e.g., father-in-law). Future research can devote scholarly attention to understanding the relationship between daughters-in-law and parents-in-law such as fathers-in-law. Additionally, with rapid economic, political, and ideological changes in Taiwanese society, Western media may influence young women regarding parenting, motherhood, and family relationship. The average age of our participants in the current study is 41.24 years old. Future studies can explore how younger married women perceive and handle conflict with mothers-in-law.
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7. Conclusions
Our study delves into the complexities of communication dynamics in intergenerational conflict, offering valuable insights into communication interactions in the family context. We found that criticism from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law acts as the predominant initiating factor fueling conflict between the two parties. Additionally, mothers-in-law most frequently used the competing style in managing conflict with daughters-in-law. Daughters-in-law, on the other hand, employed the competing style in their responses, alongside other management styles.
To interpret and contextualize conflict dynamics, we draw upon communication accommodation theory (CAT). From the theoretical lens of CAT, we can better understand how the nonaccommodative interactive moves lead to conflict between the two parties and distinguish between destructive and constructive conflict management strategies. It is crucial to note that we do not view conflict solely as problematic communication, but rather, our research emphasizes the importance and need to approach intergenerational conflict in constructive ways through communication accommodation. In other words, the communicative and relational outcomes of intergenerational conflict initiation and management depend on whether mothers- and daughters-in-law engage in accommodative or nonaccommodative moves. By recognizing the central role of communication in intergenerational conflict, we can work towards finding effective conflict management strategies in establishing harmonious intergenerational relationships and promoting health and psychological wellbeing of young and older adults.
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Acknowledgments
An earlier version of this manuscript received the top paper award from the 109th Convention of the National Communication Association. We thank the anonymous reviewers sincerely for their constructive comments.
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Acronyms
mother-in-law-to-daughter-in-law | |
daughter-in-law-to-mother-in-law | |
communication accommodation theory |
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