Marriage Process of the maSubiya: Past and Present

Abstract

Since many of the traditional practices of the maSubiya have not been documented or recorded, this chapter is an attempt at salvaging the cultural marriage practices of the maSubiya that appears to be disappearing. Contact with Europeans has highly disrupted and changed African family life, especially marriage. Due to Western influence and exertion over African cultures, today many Subiya young people have little regard for their marital procedures and processes. The objectives of this chapter are 1) to explore the process or stages of marriage of the maSubiya people; 2) to compare and contrast the past and present practices of marriage of the maSubiya; 3) to document the unrecorded marriage practices of the maSubiya; and 4) to arouse the intellectual minds to study the subject at hand. The chapter is guided by the dominant paradigm, which assumes that the maSubiya were pressured to abandon their own cultural values to adopt the values embodied in Christian or civil marriages. Data were collected mainly from observations and available literature. The marriage process of the maSubiya includes but is not limited to consultations with one’s uncles and aunts, understanding the family background of a potential wife, paying malobolo (bridal price), and finally marriage. Throughout the process, metaphorical expressions are used to convey messages.

1. Introduction

Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in all societies, and it is still viewed as a fundamental institution of social life today. Marriage customs of the traditional communities in the Caprivi/Zambezi region in Namibia exist mainly in their traditional beliefs and practices. However, since many of these practices have not been documented or recorded, this chapter is an attempt at salvaging the cultural marriage practices of the maSubiya that appear to be disappearing. Namibia has two types of marriage, namely, civil and customary marriages. The emphasis of this chapter is on the customary marriages of the maSubiya; hence, a focus is placed on this to get a clear and better understanding. The maSubiya are being studied in this chapter as a minority ethnic group in Namibia.

According to the Legal Assistance Center [1], a traditional marriage (also called customary marriage) is “a marriage which takes place in terms of the customs of the community.” The customs and traditional practices of the maSubiya have been handed down by oral tradition and treasured in the memories of the maSubiya from generation to generation. In the context of the maSubiya, and perhaps other African cultures, marriage is defined as “a rite of passage toward adulthood and its concomitant responsibilities” [2]. It is a passage toward adulthood because, through it, young people are considered and treated as adults. Those who are not married are rarely given the respect that married people are given. It is through marriage that a person is perceived to be responsible in a community and in life. When young people are married, their responsibilities include demonstrating that they can sustain their family without depending on others. They are also endowed with the responsibilities of dealing with and assisting other family members, especially younger siblings. It is when a young person is married that they are introduced to certain things, such as attending meetings or dispute matters. This affords them the opportunity to learn from the old guard and carry on the button of responsibility when the old people have died. Thus, to demonstrate adulthood and responsibility, young people were expected to have a kraal of their own and they were allocated a piece of land on which they could plough to produce their food. As well as being the head of the household, some of the responsibilities of men included, among other responsibilities, “lighting the traditional fire and performing rituals before hunting, herding the cattle, and milking the cows” [3]. Although this was typical of rural traditional men, these responsibilities have since shifted as more men migrate to urban areas for employment purposes. Meanwhile, men in rural areas assume these responsibilities. Moreover, the responsibility of cattle-herding and milking cows has been relegated to cattle herders, who are employed solely to take care of the cattle. As for women, their responsibilities included, and still include “taking care of the family in terms of health and nutrition, sending children to school, and other domestic chores, such as cleaning the home and attending to visitors. She is regarded as the owner of the house, but not the head of the household” [3]. As a matter of fact, a home is referred to in the name of the woman, for example, i lapa or inzubo iba naNchiti (a court-yard or house of Mrs. so and so). It is this way because women are essentially managers of the household, running the affairs and day-to-day activities of the home, while men are administrators, ensuring that there is order in the home and food security for the family.

Due to Western influences, most of these customs or traditions are now rarely practiced during Subiya marriages. Especially, under the influence of Christianity and Westernization, the maSubiya tradition processes leading to contracting a marriage have been overlooked if not discarded altogether by the new generations. Kampungu [4] posited that “these phases of marriage may appear unintelligible and meaningless if they are not viewed in their right cultural perspective.” As people view some of the marriage processes to be unintelligible, they meet multiple challenges in their married life. For instance, instead of contracting lifetime lasting marriages a lot of divorces are occurring. This signifies that instead of building homes, many homes have been broken in the name of civilization and social advancement compared to our so-called backward elders.

This chapter, therefore, is an attempt to put together, what the author presumes to be, the process through which young maSubiya men and women went through to get married in the past, and the process that is being followed for marriage during modern times. It is hoped that this chapter will arouse lively discussion among the maSubiya scholars in particular and other Namibians at large. This chapter might not be a complete discussion on the topic; thus, it is hoped that others will take it further to research comprehensively on the subject matter. This will help in documenting what this author has not been able to record or correct what might be misrepresented by this author. Therefore, it is hoped that this chapter will lay the foundation for further studies and as an addition to the available literature.

2. Background

This chapter relies on the traditional practices of the Subiyas and, “if we happen to be members of that tribe or have lived with them, on what we have experienced there” [4]. Some traditional practices in the Zambezi region of Namibia are slowly dying due to certain influences, such as Western knowledge and technological changes. The Zambezi region is inhabited by the Basubiya, Bafwe, Khwe, Bayeyi, and Hambukushu. Most of these tribes share common traditional practices. They also share these practices with their cousins in the southern province of Zambia, commonly known as Barotseland or Bulozi. Not only do they share traditional or cultural practices but they also share a language – Silozi, which is a lingua franca in the Zambezi region.

Due to the shared cultural practices of the people in the Zambezi region of Namibia, the marriage practices outlined in this chapter also applies to the other tribes within the region though there might be some slight differences and exceptions. Because of differences and exceptions in cultural practices, this chapter mainly focuses on the maSubiya. It is also important to note that marriage practices of all ethnic groups in the Zambezi region have significantly changed since the dawn of colonization or the arrival of white people. The Subiyas are also referred to as beKuhane and are spread in different localities, especially Zambezi (formerly Caprivi) in Namibia; Sesheke, Zambia; and the Chobe district, Botswana [5].

The policy of the colonizers was to allow indigenous people to practice their traditions, “until, through intercourse with European commerce and education, the gradual work of civilization shall remove those bad practices which are most objectionable” [6]. Thus, Western influence slowly crept into the fabrics of the African traditional practices. As well as being shared with people in Zambia, common traditional practices of the maSubiya, such as marriage customs, are also shared with those in Botswana, Zimbabwe, and South Africa. Kruger [7] reported that during his time in the Caprivi Zipfel (now Zambezi Region), “civil or Christian marriages [were] rare.” Forty or more years down the line, the tables have turned as traditional marriages are rare compared to civil or Christian marriages. A customary marriage is not even properly recognized before the law until one has to go through civil or Christian marriage processes [1]. Moreover, “customary marriages are not registered and there is no marriage certificate [issued] to prove that a marriage has taken place” [8]. Therefore, the marriage practices of the Subiya people have significantly changed due to certain factors, such as Western cultural influence, religion, urbanization, and education.

According to Kampungu [4], for the Okavango tribes, “the three principal stages of marriage are betrothal, the conclusion of a marriage contract, and the birth of the first child.” A definition of marriage according to the Subiyas is, as many aspects of their traditions, not written down but rather passed down from generation to generation. Thus, the definition that this author provides is an extension of what has already been discussed. It is based on the views of different readers and the maSubiya themselves, that marriage can be defined as a union between a man and a woman, two families, and two villages. Similarly, Sinclair [8] and Bennett [9] add that customary marriage is “a contract between two family groups rather than between two individuals, [and] involves payment of bridewealth in the form of lobola.” This definition informs that marriage is not only for husband and wife, but it rather unites or joins two separate families together and their villages. In essence, there are four villages and families involved – the patrilocal and matrilocal families, that is, two families of a man and woman (from the father’s and mother’s sides).

This author also defines marriage in the African context as a “license” for sexual relations and a means through which a family can be built. The process outlined in this chapter may neither follow a sequence, nor is it exhaustive in-depth and context, but it provides a starting point for future studies to expand and consolidate the full process involved in the maSubiya and other Africans.

2.1 Problem statement

Contact with Europeans has highly disrupted and changed African family life, especially marriage. In order to control and govern “natives,” laws that restricted Africans were imposed upon them, and studies were conducted to suit their governance. One such law is the Marriage Act¹ which designates ministers of religion and other persons as marriage officers. Marriage officers, who officiate Christian marriages were at that time foreign to the maSubiya and other ethnic groups in the Zambezi region of Namibia. It is elders and family members who ensure that those who intend to be married follow procedures and processes. Furthermore, “there is no need for the intervention of a state official (via marriage officer or priest) to give the stamp of validity to the marriage” [9]. On the disruption of the African family life, Kayongo-Male and Onyango [10] exposited that native studies depicted the Africans as savages “instead of details of the symbolic and social meaning of family life.” This recorded information was obscured and did not reflect the truth and cultural meaning as well as values cherished by Africans. It was rather a means through which Europeans would exert and impose their knowledge and cultural influence over the Africans. One way in which Westerns imposed their cultural influence on Africans was through the introduction of religion, especially Christianity. Moreover, as education and labor contracts were introduced, more and more marriage customs of the Subiyas were slowly abandoned and frowned upon by those who have been exposed to the so-called civilization, Christianity and education indoctrinated the masses who began to question the principles and establishment of their cultural practices. Thus, it is stressed that “schools founded by the colonialists led to rifts within families as the educated members began to question the authority of the uneducated older members of the family” [10].

African traditions and customs were rarely recorded or documented in the forms known by colonizers. It was, therefore, vulnerable to outside influence to the extent that belief systems already in place were no longer trusted. Due to Western influence and exertion over African cultures, today many Subiya young people have little regard for their marital procedures and processes. More recently, the problem is being impacted by urbanization and technology. These have led our elders to break the chain of orally passing down the cultural practices to their children, especially adolescents. In the end, young men and women loathe traditional marriage and choose the more attractive civil marriage, mostly leading to what is termed “white weddings.” Therefore, the influence and exertion of Western culture have attempted to erase and “extend to silencing or rendering invisible of a complex of culture, history and communal identity” of the maSubiya [11].

The 1883 Commission on native laws and customs [6] in South Africa, clearly indicates the intent of the colonizers, which was to erase the traditional practices of the natives. It is stated that although the laws and customs of Africans were “interwoven with the social conditions and ordinary institutions of the native population,” an attempt to break them quickly would have been dangerous and “defeating the object in view.” The report, thus, concluded that customary laws were to be left substantially unaltered but “secure an uniform and equitable administration of justice in accordance with civilised usage and practice” [6].

2.2 Objectives of the study

This chapter is guided by the following objectives:

1. To explore the process or stages of marriage of the maSubiya people.

2. To compare and contrast the past and present practices of marriage of the maSubiya.

3. To document the unrecorded marriage practices of the maSubiya.

4. To arouse the intellectual minds to study the subject at hand.

3. Methodology

This chapter utilized qualitative methods to address and uncover the processes involved in the maSubiya marriages. The chapter is guided by the colonial paradigm, which includes the dominant and subordinate groups. According to McDougal [12], “the dominant group maintains dominance and control over those with less power” in the colonial context. Moreover, “the basic assumption of the colonial paradigm is that the colonized are pressured to abandon their own cultural values and adopt the values of the dominant groups” [12]. In this chapter, this dominant group is the Western culture that introduced Christian or civil marriage to the maSubiya, whereas the maSubiya are the subordinate group, who were pressured to abandon their cultural practices of marriage ceremonies in order to adopt Christian or civil marriages. Staples (as cited in McDougal) argued that “the colonial subjects’ native culture is modified or destroyed” during colonialism [12].

The methods of data collection used were mainly archival, document analysis methods, and observations. A variety of literature sources, especially anthropological studies, were consulted to draw meaning and develop themes and categories used to explore and contrast the past and present of the phenomenon of the marriage process of the maSubiya. Thus, data from the documents and archival materials were “analyzed by continually comparing incidents [or stages in the maSubiya marriage] and finding relationships within the data and concepts” [11]. Because data were mainly collected through literature review, this is a limitation on the direct or primary data source (mainly people) and may be considered a methodological weakness of this chapter. Nonetheless, important data relating to the phenomena being dealt with in this chapter was gathered from different document sources and archival materials.

Archival methods questions are directed at “people and at written sources, concerning issues…in the past in order to understand the present and predict the future” [13]. For this study, the archival method used is a historical review whereby available literature from other African marriage processes was conducted to draw comparisons of similarities with the maSubiya traditional marriage. The purpose of this review is “to describe what happened in the past…in order to illuminate the present” [13] regarding the maSubiya marriage process. By definition, archival methods are those that “involve the study of historical documents, that is, documents created at some point in the relatively distant past, providing us access that we might not otherwise have to the organizations, individuals, and events of that earlier time” [14]. Similar to archival methods, document analysis “is a systematic procedure for reviewing or evaluating documents…[and] requires that data be examined and interpreted in order to elicit meaning, gain understanding, and develop empirical knowledge” [15]. Thus, the review of recorded African marriage literature was analyzed to draw similarities and comparisons to the maSubiya marriage process. The data collected from literature is classified as secondary data [16]. Therefore, this chapter lacks primary data, which can be obtained from people through interviews and discussions. Although this chapter may not be considered reliable because of its reliance on literature, it is valid because different sources were consulted and observations. For future studies, scholars and researchers should consider interviews to collect data from new and old generations of the maSubiya people for validation purposes.

4. The choice of a mate

In the African context, men are hunters and they are always on the mission of seeking that which they want. The same is true when it comes to the marriage process of the maSubiya people and many other Africans in the sense that when the time is right for a man, he will go on a quest seeking for a potential partner. Although this trend changed from the arranged marriage customs, it has become an important part of the process to be taken before a man settles down. Maponga and Bavu [17] relate that after the man has seen the woman, he wants to marry; he would go back to his own family and inform them that he has found a potential wife. Contrary to the previous generations, the current generation would rather jump the guns without due process being followed. In the past, the search was done by the parents (hence, arranged marriages) but the young man was at liberty to identify a girl from a certain family. Failure of the young man to identify his potential wife, parents would arrange for their son when he was at the right age of marriage. At present, arranged marriages are unheard of but they still occasionally occur, depending on the situations.

4.1 Betrothal, kubikiliza

Previously, before the encounter with Europeans, “it was customary for a man to marry a child” [7] by making arrangements with the parents of the child while she was still in the mother’s womb or too young to marry. When a girl received her first menstruation (kufulumana), she was kept in isolation (chikenge) for some period of time where she would be taught a lot of things. Shamukuni [5] explained that the girl was “given instructions on the role of a woman in society, including family care”. He further goes on to state that, “In the past when infant betrothal [kubikiliza] was practiced, the adolescent girl married as soon as her initiation ceremonies were over. This often resulted in young girls marrying men twice their age” [5]. These practices are now uncommon.

The term kubikiliza means reserving for marriage, as the husband-to-be would wait for the birth of his future wife and put on a necklace or wrist band as a sign that she was reserved. This process of engaging or putting a placement on a young girl or unborn girl child was done with the consent and foreknowledge of the parents. Similarly, Schapera [18] noted that “girls were sometimes betrothed in early childhood, or even pledged before they were born, so that their fate might be settled before they could choose for themselves”. When the child was of age or kamwale [2, 5], the man would make arrangements to marry her.

Contrary to old ways, today young people know each other and live in relationships known as “stay together” or cohabitation to test if they are compatible with each other. When they decide that they can tolerate each other, then they can now introduce themselves to their parents and other family members. Sometimes, they have children together before they make the decision to get married. Thus, the old pattern of the marriage process is broken, and Western cultural life is adopted. Damachi, Holloh and Seibel (as cited in Agbontaen-Eghafona [19]) extends this argument that

Women’s ambition to be financially and socially independent means that they are most likely to accept marriage proposals that can satisfy most of their financial, social, and economic needs. Hence, the responsibility of choosing a spouse is largely dependent on the individual (male or female), and no longer on the family. Individuals present their love interest to their families for approval rather than the families choosing for them. Despite this development, the selection of marriage partners is still done with the consent of family members, although not as strict as before.

Thus, most of the times of yesteryears, betrothal was organized between two families, especially friends who wished to cement their relationship and continue to look after their own interests. Although this was effective, this custom is now rarely practiced. New generations regard it backward and undesirable because, by the time a person is told he/she has to be married to a certain individual, that person may be in a relationship with someone else – someone he/she love to the core. Betrothal, therefore, was not based on love, feelings, or attraction, much less beauty, but rather on the continuity of long-term friendships and relationships between families. This is because love was not regarded as a priori for marriage but as a posteriori. Therefore, the young men and women did not need to love the person but they were rather expected to grow in love with one another. This meant that as the couple lived together, in due time they would love each other because the characters and deeds within them would be revealed. Contrary to the traditional notion that love grows as couples live together for a long time, “the Western marriage is based on love” [10]. This is what the modern Subiya marriages, like other African marriages of today, are based upon. However, Africans did not “think of marriage as a union based on romantic love although beauty as well as character and health are sought in the choice of a wife” [20]. Rather, it is concluded–and this has been the norm–that the “strong affection that normally exists after some years of a successful marriage is the product of a marriage itself conceived as a process, resulting from living together and co-operating in many activities and particularly in the rearing of children” [20].

4.2 Family background checks

In the Subiya terminology (Chikuhane), the word family or family background specifically is referred to as luzubo or lusika. Another important aspect in the process of the maSubiya marriage is family background. Family background refers to the “conduct and reputation” as viewed by family members of those who intend to be married [18]. Although it is not so much interrogated in modern marriages, family background is an essential aspect which the man’s and woman’s families scrutinized before their son or daughter got married. The objective or purpose of the family background was to avoid future misunderstanding and rather provide or secure a stable marriage. It was to ensure that the future in-law (whether son or daughter) will live in harmony with his or her family in-laws instead of causing disunity and destabilization in the family.

Family background was and must still be, very crucial in the process of marriage. It informs the families involved of things, such as behavior and attitudes within the families, and raises some of the following questions:

1) Is the family hard-working? 2) what circumstances surround them? 3)how do they handle family matters? 4) how do they live? 5) how do they die? and so forth [17, 21, 22].

These questions need to be answered before the next step is undertaken. Should there be doubts concerning the family, the man or woman’s family withdraws or cancels the plans to be united with the other family through the marriage of their children. As the man is the initiator, background checks are mostly done by his family. This is not to say the woman’s family does not have to do the family background checks. Therefore, this has to happen from both sides to satisfy both families.

For the reasons mentioned above, family background is usually compared to iziko (sing.) or maziko (pl.), which is literally translated as the fireplace. It is so-called fireplace because of what usually took place on the fire. In short, the fireplace was where children received their education, mannerism, and doctrines, that is, family upbringing. Here, stories would be told concerning behavior, work, and life in general. Knowledge was passed down through stories told by elders, and children were reminded of these stories in their daily activities and livelihood. Therefore, it was these characteristics, attitudes, knowledge, and behaviors that a family sought to know and understand before their children were united in marriage.

When the man has reached the stage to get married, elders usually invoke these words: muku ba sala (sift them through), and mukulola maziko sakata (look for a woman from a family with a good reputation). After seeking, the man will inform his uncles who then caucus with their wives and aunts. It is like a tender application that needs to be reviewed to determine the suitability of the sought-after woman. Here, the man’s uncles and aunts “pulls a file for the woman’s family” [17] to do the background check. This needs to happen because two families are coming together through the marriage of the two individuals in question–the seeker and the sought-after woman. Therefore, the essence is that the young man does not get married to a young woman, but he gets married to the entire family. The opposite of this is also true for young women. It is notable that when a man has signaled his intention–to his uncle(s)–to marry a woman from a certain family, it takes a long time because a lot of information needs to be gathered about that family.

Unfortunately, today there is little family background checks taking place among the maSubiya youth. Some of the reasons for this process to be excluded include allowing young people the freedom of choice and their basis of love and attraction toward each other. Some young people are now marrying other tribes from other parts of the country and even foreign lands, making this process difficult to be carried out. Moreover, young people get married in secret (e.g., in courts) and only present each other to their parents at a later stage as a married couple. Perhaps the interrogation part involved in family background checks makes young people uncomfortable. Despite these and other excuses, it is argued that family background checks should still be carried out for the following reasons: (a) to confirm the identity of your partner, (b) to ensure that your partner is legally single, (c) to get acquainted with your partner’s family, and (d) to uncover possible skeletons in the closet [23].

5. The bridewealth (malobolo)

Parents and elders must be satisfied with the family background their son or daughter wants to be married to. Without the unanimous decision, the plans of the young man and woman cannot be allowed to manifest. But if there is an agreement, and the family is found to be worthy, then plans are set in motion to begin the next process–formal introduction to the parents and entire family, as well as malobolo. Kayongo-Male and Onyango argued that the term “bridewealth” is preferred to the term “brideprice” because brideprice carries a “connotation of purchasing the wife” [10]. Malobolo is the Subiya term for bridewealth and is similar to lobola, a term used in most African marriage customs. Thus, the two terms will be used interchangeably in this chapter. The Subiya men pay malobolo to a woman’s family according to current requirements. Previously, this was accomplished by paying two hoes, two herds of cattle [3], or as Kruger [7] describes it:

a man required to live at the village of his parents-in-law and render service there until one or even more children were born…At the end of the service, the father of the man would give a beast to his son to be given to the latter’s wife, in turn, to be passed to her father, representing recognition of the woman’s services.

Therefore, the most crucial stage of the marriage process of the maSubiya is the negotiation and payment of the bridewealth (malobolo). It is common practice for men to pay lobola or malobolo but Shamukuni [5] argues that the maSubiya did not practice this custom, most commonly known as the brideprice. Rather, “the groom had to work for the parents of the bride for a couple of years and that was all”. According to Shamukuni [5], after consultations with the family members and an agreement reached together with them, a Subiya man stayed with his bride’s parents for a couple of weeks. During this time the man would acquaint himself with his wife’s family. The parents of the bride also had to satisfy themselves that their son-in-law is a good type of man. Afterward, the man was free to take his wife to his ward [chilalo] or village [5, 7].

In the past, malobolo was paid as mentioned above but also, a man could only bring some hoes or show that he could provide for his family through either farming or hunting. Presently, malobolo is paid through a certain number of cattle, which can also be translated into monetary value depending on the bride’s parents. Moreover, Sinclair [8] argues that “With urbanisation, the payment of cattle has to some extent been replaced by the payment of money”. When replaced with monetary value, it is usually based upon the traditional court’s (khuta) value of herd of cattle. Currently, a cow is valued at N$1,000.00. For example, if the father requires 20 herds of cattle, he might say 18 should be in money and two should be delivered physically. This would imply that the groom will pay N$18,000 cash and arrange for the delivery of two cattle, usually cows.

That said, negotiating delegates are arranged and prepared by the bride’s and groom’s uncles. These will range from between four to ten people and do not have to be gender balanced. Thus, experience in negotiations is required, while new blood is included for the learning process and continuation of the tradition. The groom’s uncles will first contact the bride’s parents [10] informing them of their intention to “marry their daughter,” by uttering: “twakeza ku kutunga,” meaning we have come to collect the fire. Upon hearing these words, the parents; already informed by their daughter; will call all the girls who have reached marriage status to gather around for the delegation to mention the name of the specific girl to be married or even to identify that girl. This is done when the groom has whispered the name of the girl in the ears of the uncle. When it is known who the bride will be, the girls are sent away and the parents inform the delegation that they should contact the bride’s uncles to arrange the date for malobolo negotiations. The role of the girl’s parents is to set the demands related to lobola, that is, the amount of money and number of cattle to be paid. This information is then communicated to the girl’s uncles who will take part in the negotiations.

5.1 Malobolo negotiation

In many customary law systems, the payment of a marriage consideration or lobola is the principal criterion for a valid customary marriage. Thus, the bridewealth is used to distinguish a valid marriage from a non-formalized union. Lobola, as the criterion for a valid customary marriage, is tendered by the groom or his parents to the bride’s parents [3]. Moreover, the “bridewealth was considered to be an essential ingredient of a valid union and without payment or at least some arrangement concerning future payment, the legitimacy of the union would be in doubt” [9]. On the day of the negotiations for malobolo, uncles and aunts are part of the delegation that represents the parents of the young man and woman to be married. Parents are rarely involved in the negotiations of lobola. The size of the delegation depends on each family represented, but usually between five to ten members. Each side will choose a chief negotiator, usually someone with experience and skillful negotiation tactics. In the past, negotiations could start without delay but at present, the man’s negotiating team must make a payment not exceeding N$2,000.00. This payment is for sikwalula mulomo (mouth opener), which is intended to start the discussions. Without this, negotiations cannot take place.

Once sikwalula mulomo is paid, the girl’s family will welcome everyone present and, as if they are not aware of the occasion, pose the question to the guests (the man the representatives): “what brings you here?” One of the man’s representatives will answer metaphorically: “tukavugana iñombe yetu izovete” (we are looking for one of our lost cows). This sets the tone for the beginning of the negotiations. As mentioned previously, the payment of lobola was not expensive as it is today. One of the reasons for the increase is the education of women. The assumption is that the woman’s family feels that they need to be compensated through lobola for what was spent on their daughter’s education. This might be because they will be losing financial support when their daughter is married.

While some families prefer the couple to be married to sit in during negotiations, some do not want them to listen to the proceedings of negotiations. The reason might be that due to the heated discussions that sometimes occur or break out during negotiations, the couple might develop hatred toward certain members of the family. Therefore, it is crucial to note that the importance of lobola is that “it serves to transfer the woman, and her reproductive capacity, from the family of her guardian into the family of her husband” [8]. It is important to note that the intended purpose of the bridewealth (malobolo) was to “compensate the parents for the loss of their daughter, but it was not meant to be an assessment of her ‘cost’ in cattle and goods” [10]. However, today, the custom has become closer to a brideprice since parents, imbued with economic values, have begun to calculate the worth of their daughters in monetary terms [10, 24]. Kayongo-Male and Onyango further detail that

Higher levels of education lead to a larger bridewealth payment, until the college-educated woman becomes too expensive for men of her age who are not wealthy. When bridewealth become unreasonably high and becomes a way of measuring the value of the woman, it is changing from bridewealth to brideprice. When bridewealth changes from being a way of committing two families to uphold marriage and becomes a way to acquire quick wealth, the social utility of bridewealth changes. It no longer makes marriages stable and seldom guarantees absolute rights over offspring even in customary marriages” [10].

In addition to the observations and analysis above, Ambunda and de Klerk further state that

Generally, there appear to be many misunderstandings and misinterpretations regarding the role and meaning of lobola. Many people believe that paying lobola means “buying” the bride. Traditionally, this interpretation is wrong and unacceptable, as women are not a tradable commodity and should never be perceived as such; lobola was not, and is still not, meant to “buy” a bride, but to secure marriage and prevent divorce. Therefore, lobola is meant to serve as the security in a customary marriage, with the effect of preventing both the spouses and their respective parents from the consequences that arise in the event of divorce. As lobola is meant to secure customary marriages, in the event of divorce there are conditions attached to lobola; these will determine whether the lobola is returned to the groom and his parents by the bride’s parents, or whether the groom and his family forfeit the lobola [3].

In today’s lobola negotiations, many families are looking to compensate themselves financially because of the level of their daughter’s education. The more a Subiya woman is educated, the more the malobolo will be asked. Thus, many young maSubiya men feel that this has become a business transaction instead of malobolo [24]. When there is this feeling among the maSubiya men, marriages are very vulnerable and women become the subjects of abuse as a result of anger emanating from the negotiations.

At the end of the negotiations, the man’s negotiating team also pays an amount not exceeding N$2,000.00 for closing the negotiations (sikwala mulomo). When this is paid, general discussions and interaction can commerce. It marks the end of the business of the day, and plans for the next step can also start from each family.

5.2 Escorting the bride to her new family

When malobolo have been agreed upon by the two families, the bride’s family shift their attention to preparing her to leave her parent's home and start her new life with her husband and his family. These include serious talks, such as preparing her emotionally and psychologically, for the changes about to take place. This stage also includes advice (intaelo) from aunts, mainly to guard her from disappointing her family and to act in her best behavior at all times. During this time, the groom’s family is informed and given notice of when they can officially get their wife. Therefore, preparation does not only take place in the bride’s family but also in the groom’s family. What the groom’s family prepares is the selection of aunts, sisters, and female relatives to be in charge of getting the bride, the clothing to dress up the bride and the person to dress the bride, and how many people will be involved. It is important to note that although the bride is involved in her preparations, the groom is rarely involved in most of his preparations. According to all local kinship systems marriage is part or virilocal, in other words, the bride should go to live with her husband, either at his own or his father’s homestead [25].

After the preparations are done, the groom’s family will leave their village with the intention of getting their wife (the bride) and bringing her to their family. The family will head to the bride’s said place of boarding, which is usually the aunt’s home. Upon arrival, the aunts are informed of the arrival of the visitors as the delegates remain outside, waiting to be invited inside the yard or courtyard. The bride is at this time covered with a veil or long sheet, and waiting to be uncovered by the groom’s family. When the groom’s family enters and the greetings are completed, they are told to uncover their bride and present her with new clothes. This represents the new life the bride is starting because she leaves all garments and clothing, gotten before this day, behind. She takes nothing from her past, unmarried life. She is now the responsibility of her husband [25] not her parents and their family. Bekker [26] mentions that “there is no customary marriage until the girl has been handed over to the bridegroom”.

When she is dressed up, women ululate and the group start to escort the bride to her husband. She is accompanied by her aunts, sisters, and other family members. As the proceeding starts in the evening, the escort of the bride to her husband takes place during the night. Ndana [2] exposits that during the escort, the following nuptial song is sung “just before the bride and groom meet in a sexual embrace to consummate their marriage”

Mutwale kamwale	You take the bride
Kwamwihyavo	To the groom
Aka tuke nyina ne si	So, she insults her mother and father

.

This song has two meanings or motives. The first is that marriage and life itself is a journey through which “the human race, through sexual union, will be perpetuated [2].” The second is a “warning to the bride [and even the groom] not to behave to her in-laws in a manner which will embarrass her parents [2].” These two motives of the song inform us that as the new couple begins their marital journey through sexual embrace, they should build and uplift the community in which they live through self-control in order not to disrespect elders, especially their immediate families.

In today’s busy and complicated life, the song may be omitted based on certain reasons. Taking the distance into account, the bride might be taken from as far as the nearest town, Katima Mulilo. It sometimes gets a bit prolonged process compared to the past. What usually happens is that the bride is brought to her husband’s house with ululating crowds.

5.3 The morning after

This is the final stage that leads a couple to settle together as husband and wife. Very early in the morning, women begin to ululate (kululuweza), a “traditional custom which expresses joy by women when everything is falling into perspective” [27] and is usually performed at weddings. Depending on the situation or choice of the couple, certain events are performed while others are left out. Before the corruption of culture by Western influence, however, nothing was left as optional by the couple but they now have a say in what they want and what they do not want to proceed with. Needless to say, the least, some of the events included or still include the demonstration of (a) the ability to provide for the family, and (b) a session of advice or marriage counseling (inkelezo).

At the show-casing of the ability to provide for the family, the groom is handed a spear (mulinga) and the bride is given a hoe (ihamba). The spear is an old weapon that was used mainly for hunting and killing game animals, while a hoe is used for cultivating and weeding crop fields. The man must throw the spear handed to him onto a target (usually the bark of a tree). It is required of him that the spear should hit the target and remain stuck. This symbolized that when he goes hunting, he will not return empty-handed but that he will always hit his target (game) to bring home to his family. Contrary to the man’s performance, the woman is required to show her skills by demonstrating that she can use a hoe to cultivate and weed her crop field. When the couple have demonstrated their ability to provide for their family, women ululate to show their satisfaction. In the current situation, this is skipped because both the bride and groom are usually employed and can provide for their family financially through their jobs.

If this is omitted, the proceeding will commence with ululating as the aunts accompany the bride and groom to the courtyard of the groom’s mother where marriage counseling will be held. As they are led by a procession of ululating women, a smaller traditional mat made of reeds (kasasa) is spread specifically for the couple. After they have sat, a chosen woman—known for her goodwill manners, one who does not spread rumors in the community—brings a small amount of pap (kakoko) on a stone. She feeds both the bride and the groom while others look on and continue ululating. While feeding the bride, she lightly beats her with the stone on her chest and comments: “muku zi kazika.” This literally means that the bride should not spread rumors in the community or village she is coming to be a part of. It means everything the bride hears should be buried within herself.

The man’s mother puts a necklace of beads around the couple’s necks, symbolizing the union of the two. Afterward, the bride is given a marital name by which she will be known in the community. In some instances, after the conclusion of inkelezo or intaelo (advice/counseling), a traditional wedding would take place. However, as mentioned before, today young people have options of whether to proceed with the traditional wedding or the white wedding.

6. Conclusion

Like in other African cultures, the maSubiya go through a process or stages that lead to marriage. Core among the process is family background checks and lobola. Although some of the stages are presently being omitted by young people, most of them are still being followed. The influence of other cultures, such as that of the West and urbanization, threaten the longevity of the maSubiya marriage practices. It is thus hoped that this chapter will help preserve these practices and contribute to the available literature on the maSubiya people. Moreover, this chapter is a springboard for other scholars to include what has been left out, and which is crucial in cultural preservation. Especially important is the language usage and deeper meanings concealed in the figurative language being used in all stages to be studied and explained, so that future generations will get the meaning.

For the maSubiya, “the payment of lobola—or malobolo as they refer to it—is the main criterion for distinguishing a valid customary marriage from a non-formalized one [and this] custom has been passed from generation to generation [3]. Thus, the validity of the union rested on the approval of the two families rather than the wishes of the spouses [9]. This chapter is a demonstration that the maSubiya people use metaphorical phrases to express some terminologies in most of the stages of marriage. They also use symbols to convey meaning to those involved and the observers. The chapter looked at important stages or processes involved in maSubiya marriage. Some of the most important processes include family background, lobola negotiations, and escorting the bride.